Are there any taboos left?

Dear Haven,
With porn all over the internet and kids sexting, are there taboos left??
Dear Curious,
With Virginia on the verge of striking down their cohabitation laws and seeing “news” like this makes it seem like the world has gone topsy-turvy sex mad!
There is one thing in the age of texting, facebooking, and decreasing face-to-face communication that has, unfortunately, become increasingly taboo: Talking to ones partner. This is also the key to having a happy and healthy sexual relationship.
Here are a few tips from SheKnoreminisce, conversation,

•TIMING IS EVERYTHING: Pick a good situation and ditch the distractions. Pay attention to your body language. We send signals both ways that may differ from what we say to our partner.

•DON’T MIND READ: You can’t be a mindreader, no matter how long you’ve known or been with your partner. Don’t assume you know what feels good to them, or what gives them pleasure; always ask. For example, “Which activities do you find the most pleasurable?”

•REMINISCE: A good way to start a sex conversation is to remember back to the first several times you and your partner had sex. What did you enjoy? What make it exciting? Bring up the good times with your partner and talk about how exciting things were. This will lead to conversation about what’s going on in your sex life currently.

•WATCH A MOVIE: Another good way to start a sex conversation is to use a movie or TV show that you’ve watched where a couple discussed sexuality. Ask your partner what they thought of the discussion? What was challenging about the discussion? Can the two of you discuss (or do the two of you view) sexuality differently?

•DON’T BLAME: Let your partner know how you feel by using “I” statements not “you” statements. Say,”I feel insecure when we don’t have sex frequently” or “I miss having sex with you” rather than “You never want to have sex.” Ask your partner what you can do to make things better or to improve your sex life.

•GIVE HIM TIME: Remember to give your partner time to respond and think. Many of us don’t have the vocabulary to talk about sexuality in general, so your partner may need time to process and think about what you say. Men will have a different vocabulary than women.

•DON’T EVER BE ACCUSATORY: If you want to improve your sex life, you can’t make your partner feel inadequate. Instead, keep things light-hearted and introduce ways to make sex with your partner more fun. Share fantasies, discuss new positions or introduce the possibility of using sex toys.

The only way you are going to get what you want in the bedroom is to let your partner know. Put away your inhibitions and open up the lines of communication.


NOW – a cool quiz in case you really just wanted to find out about some crazy things:


Best Shower Sex?

Dear Haven,

I always see sexy shower scenes in the movies, and it seems hot as hell, but I’m less than agile – what’s the best way to have shower sex?

– Craving some sexy cleanliness

Dear Cleaning gal,

Shower is super hot for two reasons:

1) what is sexier than a wet, slippery, naked body?

2) it is usually impromptu – you see it, you want it, you need it!

Shower sex is NOT easy, but can definitely be fun!  My first caution is to be careful not to slip!

One tip is to use the wall/ ledge to your advantage – you can bend over at the back of the shower and put your hands on the tub ledge or hold onto a towel bar if you have one while your man slides into you from behind.  You can use it to push against and hold your balance!  Another use for the ledge can be to rest your leg on while your guy is behind you.  Which position you choose will depend on your heights.  Do NOT use shower doors – even if they seem steady they can break – Trust me!  I’ve broken more things during sex…

One of my favorite, and in my opinion sexier and more relaxed, versions of shower sex is bath sex!  Run a nice, warm bubble bath and offer your partner to give him a back rub in the tub, and see where it takes you!  You’re already in a sitting/laying position so no worries about falling.  One of my tips to make it a bit more comfortable is to put washcloths under your knees under water if one or both of you will be on your knees

and one last tip – if you get hot and heavy in the shower or bath but still aren’t getting it right you can always move over to the bed!

And check out what I just found!!

The Shower Power – A Bathtub Handle for Shower Sex

As Prinze Charming calls it, La poésie d’amour

Poetically Captivating

A thousand words can paint an erotic masterpiece; one word can paint an inspirational sensation. A thousand mixed feelings are the products of lust and desire. One vulnerable exposed canvas sprawled across the bed to admire. The tip of my tongue is a lover‘s brush for sensual art.  Close your eyes, my dear.  I am about to start. Fingers slowly run through your hair to spark the night, gradually caressing your head just right. Eyes convey hidden desire, anticipation is on fire. Forehead kisses, Eskimo nose to nose, after two cheek kisses, watch where this goes. Passionately playful lips teasingly brush across your face, entice the hesitation of physical embrace. Dare make an intimate move too soon? My love, I am here to make you swoon. Lips left with anticipation and rage, dry from desirable intentions on stage. Let me perform the next talent of the show; the skin…

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Wow – What a BJ response!

Wow! What a response to my BJ poll! The results are in – and it is close – between Stopping too soon and Lack of Enthusiasm (although I peeked at my husband’s vote, and his was for focusing too much on the tip! Shame on me!)  If you haven’t had a chance yet, be sure to check out the comments section of the poll – really informative and interesting!

That men crave more enthusiasm isn’t surprising – to quote a good friend of mine “The brain is the biggest sex organ” so use it

And, as with all things, practice makes perfect – just ask how he likes it, and be sure to tell him what you like, too – According to our male panel, that’s a huge turn on!

Some more BJ tips from our male panel:

Watch the teeth.

Change it up. Lick the shaft and balls, too.

ALWAYS make eye contact!

Don’t be afraid to use naughty language.

Telling him how much you want his cock in your mouth is the biggest turn on

and one of my girlfriends even added in that her guy likes that she kisses the head after he finishes and he LOVES that!

MY favorite part of the poll was learning how much guys love the sweaty, drool-y messes we make!  Whoo- I feel much better now knowing that, because you know that the bigger mess you make the more fun you’re having!!!

Exercises to prepare for better sex

Dear Haven,

I’ve heard that certain exercises can help you have better sex – is this true?  If so, what are they?

-planning on hitting the gym!

To my fellow exercise buff:

I have some good news – There definitely ARE some exercises that can help you with better sex!!! A friend of mine recently told me “Beginning a fitness routine has made a difference in our sex life, since we began biking together, we have so much more energy for each other. It’s wonderful.”

For starters, exercise increases your sexual appetite: aerobic exercise revs up hormones, flushes stress, whittles away fat and rejuvenates the body, filling you with great confidence while building energy and stamina. Regular exercise also increases blood flow to the genitals (better orgasms for us, harder, longer lasting cocks for them!). Strength training and stretching can help you build muscles and improve your flexibility so you can get into – and maintain – various positions during sex. Push-ups and sit-ups or crunches are also beneficial exercises- they strengthen the shoulders, chest and abdominals, which are all important for great sex!

Pelvic lifts are one of the top exercises to help build your “muscles down there”

pelvic lifts – be careful NOT to arch your back – click photo for more tips

Finally, the most direct exercise to improve sex is the Kegel squeeze – basically strength training for your PC muscles. When you strengthen these muscles you can have more intense orgasms 🙂

Tip: Men can use these, too, to last longer!!

(click photo for tips)

To my male readers: what do women get wrong about oral sex the most?